Living with Dying -Who Am I?
Living with Dying - Who Am I?
I watched a video the other night about how we identify ourselves. The premise was that most people, when asked “Who are you?”, will give their name, but that doesn’t really tell people who they are. A name is an identifier of sorts, but it doesn’t give us a picture of a person from just the name that was chosen by their parents for them.
Throughout our life, we hold in ourselves multiple identities, that all shape who we are as humans. For example:
I am a celebrant, and a holder of space for others
I am an empath, and a seeker of wisdom
I am a daughter, a sister, and a friend.
I am a wife/widow
I am made of light and love and the energy of the universe
I’m the organised one!
When I look at that list, a lot of it can be classed as what I do, or what I was born into, as opposed to who I am.
When someone significant in our life dies, or indeed after any major life change, we often question who we are now, especially in the context of life without that person. It’s like one of our identities dies with that person, even though if we lose our parent, for example, we are still their child, and always will be. Learning how to navigate life without someone, causes us to question our own selves, and how we can reshape our lives, without them in it on a daily basis. Any change in our lives will lead us to reflect on who we are now in this new context, and how that makes us different from before.
In order to look at who we truly are, however, we must honour what we have been, who has been in our lives, and how that has shaped us, because those that surround us have a huge impact on how we view ourselves.
I honour the baby that my parents prayed for, and the generations that came before me.
I honour the child born with the weight of responsibility on her shoulders.
I honour the child who chose invisibility over reinvention, because at the time it was simpler.
I honour the young person, who believed for years when she was told she wouldn’t amount to anything.
I honour the young adult, who forged a path, made a home, and a career, and stood in her independence.
I honour the wife, who held her husband as he died.
I honour the soul who has laughed, danced, loved, and found joy in the smallest of things.
Each of these incarnations of me, has shaped who I am. Each of these at one time or another has been who I was, but none of them have captured the full scale of who I truly am, or indeed who I am capable of being. All I can do each day is continue discovering what makes me who I am, and to learn about myself more each day.
In the words of Vylana’s beautiful song “Phoenix”, “I am… and that’s all I never need to be”.